In life. I guess that’s my problem. I give all of myself too easily. I care for people who don’t give two shits about me. I let the ones i love walk all over me without repercussions. But worst of all, I gave it all to you and you forgot to give it back. I still miss you every second of every day and I wish you knew how much you mean to me. I am a good person and when I care, I care with everything I’ve got. I would never hurt you or treat you bad. I know you will realize that one day and wonder why you left the one person who will never hurt you and would give you the world if it were possible. But maybe that’s the problem, knowing I will do anything to make you the happiest person doesn’t make it a game, once you have me there isn’t a challenge because I’m all yours. No other girl exists in my eyes, I wouldn’t even notice Hope Solo walk past me when I’m with you. I would kill to have someone care about me that way and you ran as fast as you could. You are a beautiful person inside and out. The problem is most people only get to see your outer beauty. But I have seen what’s on the inside and that’s what I miss most of all. I know you are capable of love if you would only give me another chance. I wish I could make it better, I wish I could make you realize that I love you more than anyone else ever will, and more than I’ll ever love anyone else again. I wish you were willing to love me back. Your texts word things in the past like “cared” and “loved” but in reality I still care about and love you, and those will never be words that I change the tense on or the meaning behind. “I deserve better,” blah blah blah, i hear it from everyone but I don’t want better, I want you, all of your imperfections make you perfect in my eyes. My heart is yours and I expect it to be drug through a lot of shit while you have it, but I hope that one day you will take care of it and appreciate me for who I am, a stupidly genuine, over loving, and whole heartedly passionate being who loves you unconditionally.
Oh Jordan. If only I could make you feel what I feel for a day.. You’re right. You did get a glimpse of my love for you, but I did run away. I got scared that you would get all of me and I can’t give you all of me. I already did that once and yeah it was with the wrong person, but at that moment, they felt like the right person too. “call break it off, call break my own heart.” I get that song now. For me, I just knew I shouldn’t be with you because I wasn’t ready to love someone with all of me like you deserved. I thought I was but I was proven wrong by cheerleading and extra hours and friends. If I loved you how you loved me, those things wouldn’t have mattered, but I cared more about that than you, which is awful but you do deserve better than that. I just couldn’t be that in that point in time. I don’t now if I ever will be for you or anyone. I wish I would have met you before she made me jaded too.. but that is a wish that can’t come true. All I can do today is try to fix myself and giving you the truth about why I left you is the first step. I hope I can love someone, like you love me someday.